I know. Britney Spears is an easy target at this point. I think she has officially entered Mariah Carey territory, and as we’ve all learned from that, there is absolutely no turning back (I mean, sort of). Though her undeniable white-trashey-ness has been exposed recently in a very short amount of time (including two marriages, one annulment, one divorce, and two kids), she is attempting to make a real come-back. Her new single “Gimme More” is a good start, and kicks off with the sounds of her distorted vocals giving it to us raw….”It’s Britney, Bitch!” Yeah, we know. Hate to admit this, but I kind of love the song. It’s kind of awesome. Britney used to be pretty awesome, and she can still pull it off on record. She failed at her goal of becoming the next Madonna, but so has everyone else.

Of course, it’s extremely hard to go wrong when you have a line-up of the best producers in pop giving you the best tracks they have. However, Britney still somehow managed to ruin it. Perhaps her last chance to regain some shred of dignity was this year’s MTV Video Music Awards, who reluctantly gave her the opening number for the show (a decision which I’m sure they more than regret now). Britney failed miserably. So miserably, in fact, I actually question whether her painfully obvious lackluster performance was a publicity stunt within itself. Everyone wants to know if she was nervous…or if she was on something. What better way to sell records? I can’t figure it out and I want to know more. More!

Besides her whining about looking like a fat pig on stage (we should all be such fat pigs), Britney didn’t really seem to give a flying fuck about the performance. Like…at all. The excuse of being nervous is laughable for someone who’s toured the world and played every award show there is. Besides dancing like she had stuck her head in a microwave before the show, Britney barely even bothered to lip sync the song. I’m also pretty convinced that she was reading the words off of a teleprompter. Is this really the same girl that belly danced with a snake around her neck?

It seems like Britney’s performance is all anyone can talk about, which isn’t much of a surprise considering that her shaved head is front page material. Unfortunately, the bulk of it is speculation (at least until the Larry King interview. Don’t worry, he’ll get her). It’s been rumored that Criss Angel had been slated to be a part of the performance, incorporating a disappearing act for Britney ::insert obvious quip here::. He apparently backed out at the last minute, leaving a day to change the entire performance. Again, not much of an excuse for someone with the experience of Britney, who used to get away with doing almost anything on stage. If this was 6 years ago, everyone would have been completely baffled by that display. But now, it seems like everyone’s shrugging their shoulders while saying “Silly Brit Brit.” This is what Britney Spears has come to. She can’t even be taken seriously within the realm of zero content bubble gum pop music. That’s bad.

This was just too obvious, even for Britney. What happened to the Queen of Pop? I’ll tell you. She’s over! She may still sell 500,000 in the first week, but be on the look out for a Kelly Clarkson style tour cancellation due to lack of ticket sales. It’s not like it was even ‘bad for Britney’…or bad for any professional; It was bad for a middle school dance recital. I was willing to give Britney the benefit of the doubt, and am actually pretty shocked that she was so terrible. I can even get past the lip syncing, because she always lip synced. It never really bothered anyone or made any difference in her success. But blatantly winging a live award show performance for her big come back? …May be the nail in the coffin. Though it’s not exactly short of controversy….honestly, if you can’t rely on Britney to give a grade A raunchy performance, what can you rely on?