In celebration of EMI’s nonsensical Radiohead Greatest Hits release, I present my Top 10 Radiohead songs. ….Exhale. This was a true challenge that required much deliberation, a few tears, and some blood shed.

Here goes. Howling down the chimney. Release me.

HM. “Jigsaw Falling Into Place”

So, there’s an ‘honorable mention’ both because there are obviously more than 10 list worthy Raidohead songs, and because, frankly, I wanted In Rainbows to be represented on this. At first listen, “Jigsaw” didn’t grab me as a Rainbows favorite. I found “All I Need” and “Videotape” to be the strongest tracks, but – thanks in part to the incendiary music video (…incendiary) – it has grown on me like a Radiohead fungus. It’s downright chivalrous; the catchiest, most fast-paced, balls-out rock song the band has done since “Paranoid Android.’ It begs you.. GO ON AND LET IT OUT.

10. “You and Whose Army”

Since it’s release, Kid A had a solid hold as my favorite Radiohead album. Recently, however, Amnesiac has snuck up from behind and threatened to de-thrown its electronic predecessor. I can attribute this come-from-behind assault to its haunting piano riffs, dramatic endings, and marginally more concise lyricism (I honestly have no idea what any song on Kid A is about. I think it has something to do with the end of the world). “You and Whose Army” is exactly what makes Amnesiac much more than a “Kid A B-side album” (that assessment still makes me cringe). As the drums crash in to Yorke’s first declaration of “We Ride Tonight,” the world spins out of orbit; the ocean’s part; the sun blackens; Kid A becomes enraged with me.

9. “The National Anthem”

This bassline is a monster; an evil and annihilative monster; not quite experimental, or prog, or electronic. Not reminiscent of old Radiohead, and barely a glimpse of this new, fearless Radiohead to come. The closing brass arrangements are enough to drive a sane person crazy. “The National Anthem” is it’s own anomalous being.

8. “Just”

After recent obsessive listenings of Mark Ronson’s rendition of “Just”, I’ve rediscovered my love for this song (including the mindf*ck music video – above). “What did he say that made all of those people lie on the ground?” is the often asked (and never answered) question. This is a classic rock song; a staple in Radiohead history. While The Bends, surprisingly, left me with an abundance of tracks that I could not choose from, I was able to narrow it down; a painful and time-consuming process. As I crossed “Planet Telex” and “Street Spirit” off of the list, a part of me died.

7. “Karma Police”

A classic in every sense of the word. One of the most definitive alternative songs of the 1990’s, or possibly ever. A video to change all videos. Destined to be an archetypal “first song I learned on guitar” for generations to come.

6. “No Surprises”

I remember watching this video late at night on MTV (when MTV used to…you know), and thinking of how disturbing Thom Yorke was. As he sang ironically of a calm existence; a life with “no alarms,” he is suffocating himself with a number of things. Drowning in his sorrow. water, Etc. This video shook me to the core. There wasn’t much to it, but it was everything the song was trying to convey and much more. Though “No Surprises” has taken on a sort of political meaning of late, it’s a very quintessential Radiohead tune about love/death. “I’ll take a quiet life/a handshake of carbon monoxide.”

5. “Fake Plastic Trees”

The Bends seemed to be over-flowing with acoustic guitar ballads (Don’t leave me high and dry, et al), But “Fake Plastic Trees” is an acoustic ballad like no other. It’s the type of love song that says all of the things that you have never been able to articulate. She looks like the real thing, but she’s fake. Fake plastic love, Fake plastic anything. You could pretty much put the words “Fake Plastic” in front of any noun, really. It’s going to be perfect. It’s just a four-chord-no-frills rock song, yet something about it sets it apart from every other song to ever use these notes. There is nothing fake about this.

4. “Pyramid Song”

This song scares me. The essence of every aspect of this recording is perfectly haunting; from the subtle array of back-up vocals to the jazzy cymbal roll that leads into Phil Selway’s pounding beat. This song has only recently climbed my list, and was without doubt getting the 5 spot or better on this countdown. There is so much more to Amnesiac than it was given credit for; not only in that the tracks are not even remotely of “b-side” caliber, but in that the songs do distinguish themselves from Kid A in many ways. This is the best song on the record, and it knows it. The production is epic, and the lyrics are some of Thom’s most jarring; “I jumped in the river and what did I see?/Black-eyed angels swam with me/A moon full of stars and astral cars/All the figures I used to see/All my lovers were there with me/All my past and futures/And we all went to heaven in a little row boat/There was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt.” I mean…

3. “2+2=5 (The Lukewarm)”

In retrospect, it’s quite possible that Hail to the Thief was the most impactful Radiohead album in my life. It’s all because of that Greenwood guitar that loops in agony; like it hurts to be those notes. One of the best “first songs” of any rock album ever; “You can scream and you can shout/It is too late now/Because you have not been payin’ attention.” The idea of this, lyrically, sums up Radiohead in a nutshell/sums up music in a nutshell/sums up life in a nutshell. Two and two always makes a five. January has April showers. You can swat ‘em like flies, but the buggers keep coming back. It’s the devil’s way now. There is no way out.

2. “Everything In Its Right Place”

This song is bigger than Radiohead. It’s bigger than you. Fear this song, inferior human. Everything you want to be, want to know, and want to forget is within this 4 minutes and 11 seconds. This song defines that moment when you realized nothing was going to be the same ever again; that moment when you knew the rumors you had been reading about were true; the moment Radiohead stopped being just a band. That electric piano synth sound will be with you for the rest of your days. All that C sharp and E flat. The chords resonate through the very fiber of your being.

“There are two colors in my head” Yorke teases.
You’ll never guess which.

1. Idioteque

This is really happening…